


Ever since the day we met, dude

by BoomXhakalaka



Series: Things you said when... [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:50:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8441083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoomXhakalaka/pseuds/BoomXhakalaka
Summary: (Because you're saying the kind of things I wish you'd say when you're sober and actually mean them, but I know you're drunk and messing around. And if you don't stop, I might kiss you, and I don't think you really want that). "You're really drunk Jo and you might not mean this tomorrow and I'm not going to make a weird situation for you. I mean....that is if you even remember this in the morning. Look Jo, there's so much I could say but.....no. Not now."Wimmich - "Things you said when you were drunk".





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set the night of the Euro 2016 semi final loss.
> 
> As always: I sit on a throne of lies bigger than Donald Trump's. This is complete fiction based on  
> a) The public personas of two guys who seem to be friends.  
> b) An actual football result.  
> c) Nothing else....the rest is a figment of my overactive imagination. 
> 
> Written while procrastinating on a big pile of studying I need to do, all mistakes and typos are my own awful proofreading.
> 
> Also: Fluff Warning. It's all I can really write. #hopelessromantic.

**3:30am:**

“Jule? I love you, you know. I always have." 

Julian freezes. 

Joshua had been rambling to him about leather jackets and hair cuts and then completely out of the blue, he dropped that. 

What was Julian meant to say in response to that? Especially right now in a random hotel corridor at some obscene hour closer to dawn than midnight. 

They may still be so young and have plenty of opportunities to win trophies waiting for them in the future, but going out in the semi-finals of Euros still stings. Even though Julian didn't play a single minute, they were all a team together and it hurt just as much as if he was out there on the pitch. With the pain still fresh, Joshua and Julian had done the only reasonable thing to do in the circumstances: mourning their sorrows with the rest of the team. For Julian, that meant trying not to cry while sitting on the balcony in comfortable silence with Jonas, staring at the sky for answers. For Joshua, that meant getting drunk with 'Papa'.......also known as Manuel Neuer. It wasn't the brightest idea Joshua had ever had, the considerable size and age difference between the two friends meant that he didn't hold his alcohol nearly as well as the older goalkeeper did. But it was too late to point that out now, he was gone to the point that he needed Julian to drag him back to their room at the end of the night. 

And that's how Julian had ended up outside the door of the hotel room they shared, Joshua draped over his left side while he fumbled in his pocket for his wallet and the room card so he could put his friend to bed. He says a silent prayer to the universe for the card to be in his wallet. Julian has a special talent for losing hotel room keys, something both Joshua and Roman frequently make fun of him for. 

But this time, instead of making fun of him for not being able to find yet another hotel room card, Joshua told Julian that he loves him.  

Julian sighs in relief as he finds the room card in his wallet, exactly where he'd put it before heading out. He slides it into the slot, the door popping open. Julian pushes the door open further with his foot as he enters the room, dragging Joshua alongside him, wishing his friend would help him out a little and put a bit more effort into making some damn steps.  

"I have forever you know?" Joshua says as Julian works at putting the door card into the electricity slot so he doesn't break all four of their legs trying to get Joshua to his bed in the dark. 

"Loved you that is. Ever since the day we met, dude. You looked at me and I just like, _knew_. But then we became friends and I knew even harder. You're so awesome. I was never going to tell you because....I don't know man. Shit. I did just tell you. It's true though."

Julian sighs. 

What on earth did he do to deserve this? 

"We need to get you to bed," Julian tells him, trying to keep his voice calm and neutral as he drags Joshua across the room and over to the bed nearest to the window, the one Joshua always prefers to take. 

Julian uses one hand to pull back the duvet and sheet before somehow managing to convince Joshua to kick off his shoes so he can bundle his friend into the bed, settling his head gently on the pillow.

It's going to hurt in a few hours when Joshua wakes up. 

With that thought in mind, Julian goes into the bathroom to find his toiletries bag and the box of ibuprofen he always keeps inside it.

'Jule? _Juleeee_? Where are you going? Come back.....don't leave me!"

Julian runs a hand through his hair as he rummages through the bag for the box of tablets.

Why is Joshua doing this to him? Why is Joshua telling him that he loves him and calling out to him like he  _needs_ him? He'd have called out to Manu or Marc or Bernd if they happened to be the ones in charge of making sure his drunk ass got safely into bed. But Julian didn't get why Joshua had to do it to him tonight. He really wasn't ready to deal with this. Julian inhales sharply. He takes the glass sitting on the sink and fills it with water before going back to Joshua. 

"Here, take this."

Julian sits down on the edge of Joshua's bed, handing him the glass and the sheet of tablets. "You're going to need all the head start you can get on the headache you're going to wake up with tomorrow."

Joshua sits up and takes the glass and tablets from Julian. He hesitates for a second, realising he needs another hand to pop the tablets out. He's about to sit the glass down, but before he can, Julian has taken the tablets back and pops two out of the packet for him, gesturing for Joshua to extend his hand so he can place the tablets into it.    

Joshua swallows them before setting the glass on the night stand. He lies back down and sighs in a way that if forced to describe it, Julian would have to use the word "dreamily". There was no other word for it. It was a dreamy sigh if Julian ever heard one.  

"You'd be the best boyfriend ever," Joshua says, a little smile on his face as he looks at Julian like he hung the moon and stars. 

"You always look after me Jule, even though you're the baby of us and younger than me.....but you're taller. I don't know how that works. How does that work Jule?"

Julian snorts. There's only a few months age difference between them, not really enough to classify him as a "baby". 

They sit quietly for a few moments, Julian not daring to look at Joshua and instead looking out at the lights of the city outside their window. He makes a mental note to close the curtains when he gets up and goes to his own bed. The last thing Joshua needs with an impending hangover and headache is to be blinded by the sun at 6am.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Joshua asks. 

Julian can't work out of his best friend looks a little crushed by his silence or whether his eyes are glazed over because he's had way too much to drink, has cried in the bathroom over the result, and has been awake for far too long. 

"Because.......". 

Julian pauses. 

_Because you're saying the kind of things I wish you'd say when you're sober and actually mean them, but I know you're drunk and messing around. And if you don't stop, I might kiss you, and I don't think you really want that._

"You're really drunk Jo and you might not mean this tomorrow and I'm not going to make a weird situation for you. I mean....that is if you even remember this in the morning. Look Jo, there's so much I could say but.....no. Not now."

Joshua looks at Julian with a quizzical look. For someone extremely drunk who needed to be carried back to his room, Joshua suddenly looks pretty aware and with it. 

"Jule.....just say something please," Joshua pleads, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Just go to sleep, Jo," Julian says softly.

He doesn't want it to sound harsh or like he is irritated with Joshua, so he brushes a hand over Joshua's forehead, his thumb catching a stray bit of hair and brushing it to the side.

"Good night, Jo." 

Joshua bites his lip and resigns himself Julian not saying anything.

Maybe it's not a bad thing. He really is very tired, sleep wouldn't be the worst idea Julian has ever had for him. Joshua rolls onto his side, pulling his blanket up around him and grabbing another pillow to wrap his arms around.

He falls asleep quickly, exhaustion hitting him the moment he gives his body permission to fall asleep. 

Julian carefully climbs off the bed and goes into the bathroom, shedding his clothes quickly and running himself a very hot shower. He lets the steam fill the room before climbing in. He sits on the shower floor until his skin turns all wrinkly, his brain unable to stop doing mental gymnastics about Joshua Kimmich. 

Julian has liked Joshua for over two years now, even since one of their early call-ups in the youth ranks where they were assigned as roommates. They became fast friends easily and stayed in touch over the years, their whatsapp chat runing up thousands of messages about practically any topic you could imagine. They'd been out to each other since early on, but Julian had never once got the impression that Joshua had reciprocated Julian's crush in any way. 

Well, until now.

But he didn't know if Joshua meant it, or whether he was so drunk he didn't know what he was saying. He'd never actually seen Joshua get drunk before to know what was his normal behaviour when drunk. It could just be a thing he does, where he goes around professing his love for whoever happens to be around when he's had too much to drink. Julian has an old friend from Rosenheim who does exactly that. It easily could be the same thing that Daniel does, like the time his friend professed his love for a two random police officers and the pole of a street sign after one particularly good party. 

Or it could be something else. 

But Julian wasn't game enough to ask. 

He stands up, turns off the stream of water and dries himself off. As he leaves the bathroom, he sees that Joshua is still fast asleep, his arms wrapped around a second pillow like it's a childhood teddy bear. He hates himself for thinking how adorable he looks, clinging to a pillow like it will make everything better and make the loss to France go away. 

Julian fumbles for his boxers and puts them on before climbing into his own bed.

Julian is incredibly tired, but it still takes him at least an hour to fall asleep because his brain refuses to shut off, preferring to continue replaying Joshua's declaration of love over and over again. 

\----------

**10:12am:**

Julian wakes up in a hotel room in Marseille and doesn't remember where he is, until he sits up and looks over to see Joshua sitting on his own bed wearing just a pair of shorts and a sheepish look on his face.

"Um. Hey. Morning," Joshua says more than a little awkwardly. 

It all comes rushing back to Julian like an avalanche.

Losing to France. Joshua getting drunk with Neuer. Joshua telling Julian that he loves him. Joshua begging Julian to say something. Joshua asleep wrapped around a pillow. 

Joshua stands up and comes over to sit on Julian's bed. He smells like mint toothpaste and shower gel, so he must have been awake for a while or at least long enough to have taken a shower. Joshua hasn't styled his hair yet and and while he'd never admit this to him, Julian thinks he looks incredibly adorable with it all damp and rumpled with little curls forming that hadn't been slicked down with gel. 

"How's your head?" Julian asks. 

Joshua laughs softly "actually, it's better than I expected. Maybe that ibuprofen kept it away for me. Um. Thanks for that."

Julian nods. He'd have told Joshua that he is welcome, but his mouth his gone kinda dry. He takes a sip of water from the bottle of water he keeps on his nightstand. But by the time he's done, it's too weird to say it, the moment is completely gone. Except Julian doesn't really know what else to really say either. He runs a hand through his hair and opens his mouth to ask something stupid about the weather or packing or brunch, anything to break what threatens to be an incredibly awkward silence.

But Joshua beats him to speaking.  

"So. Um. I said some stuff last night."

"Yeah, you did" Julian says, bracing himself for Joshua to take it all back. Julian doesn't know what to say. It's horrible and weird and he hates how shit has suddenly gotten awkward between him and Joshua, one of the people he never felt awkward around. They got each other. At least, Julian always thought they did. 

"I don't know what to do from here," Joshua says, studying the gaudy artwork above Julian's bed intently, like it held the secret to time travel and getting a do-over against France. 

"What do you mean?" Julian asks. 

"I.......I meant it, Julian. All of it. I meant it," Joshua blurts out. 

It's the most corny and cliched thing in the world, but Julian now knows why characters in movies say their hearts skip a beat.

Because Julian's heart most definitely just skipped a beat.

"I didn't know how to tell you even though I wanted to for a long time and Manuel said I should tell you. He reckons you look at me with heart eyes and I'm oblivious. I don't know if that's true or he's full of shit. But then we lost and I got drunk because losing sucks. And I don't think Manuel meant I should have told you when I was drunk but....I'm dumb and it's done now and I'm sorry". 

_Oh._

"Don't be sorry," Julian says. 

"But I've put you in a really uncomfortable position and fucked up our friendship," Joshua says. 

"No, you haven't," Julian says with a soft smile.

"Really?" Joshua asks. 

Julian nods. He can barely put together anything beyond short sentences. He's pretty sure a sober and aware Joshua just told him he loved him, but he doesn't dare kiss him or say anything big that he can't take back, just in case he's somehow reading this whole situation wrong. 

"What did you want to say last night?" Joshua asks. 

Julian can't believe Joshua remembers their conversation in so much detail, although everyone knows Joshua "1,7" Kimmich is smart as hell, so Julian shouldn't be all that surprised. He's always had a good memory, often surprising Julian when they talk by recalling things Julian had merely mentioned to his friend in brief passing. 

"You wanted to say something, I could tell. I know you, Jule. Come on, please," Joshua begs. He needs to know. He needs to know if his gut instinct on what Julian really wanted to say to him last night was right.  

Julian takes a deep breath. He doesn't have the benefit of a ton of shots to make this easier for him, but the way Joshua was looking at him made Julian think that maybe he doesn't really need them anyway. 

"I was going to say that....I hope you mean this because I like you. I have for a while. And I'd happily be your awesome stupid boyfriend if you let me.....even though I'm not a baby thank you very much.....but you've had a lot to drink and I don't know if you know what you're saying or if you mean it and...."

Julian is starting to uncomfortably ramble a bit, but Joshua saves him from drowning in his words by grabbing his face and kissing him.   

“I knew exactly what I was saying,” Joshua says with a smile as he pulls back, keeping Julian’s face between his hands, his left thumb tracing Julian's jaw. 

“Jule? I love you, you know. I always have." 


End file.
